A few weeks ago I was in our extra bedroom, when I got this overwhelming feeling that I should set it up and prepare it to be used by a child. I just had this unexplainable feeling that something huge and amazing was about to happen. It made no sense! All I could think was that although J and I had always said we wanted to Take in a child whether through hosting or adoption, it just seemed so. Far. Away. I mean that's something that *grown ups* do! Like real grown ups! As in people with "enough"....enough money, time, love, etc...but us?! Now?! Impossible! :) I ignored that doubtful voice though because the feeling I had was so strong. While it seemed so impossible in that moment, I could feel God saying "where you end, I begin". So I decided to take that step of faith and get the bedroom ready. I figured worst-case scenario would be that I would be left with a clean and organized bedroom :-)
Fast forward a couple of weeks and there was this picture of Julia. A wonderful friend of ours had posted It from an organization that pairs orphaned children in the Ukraine with families in the US For hosting during the summer and at Christmas for 10-12 weeks total. I just knew she was meant to be ours. Whether that ours means for a few weeks or forever, she was meant to be ours. But there was one issue.....I'm married. To an engineer. A. Very. Practical. Engineer. So even though I felt this undeniable calling to pursue this, I thought to myself there is no way J will go for this! (Remember the "enough" part?!) So I kept it to myself for a day and just enjoyed the thought of having Julia here and how it would be, thinking I should enjoy it before my oh-so-logical husband Reminded me that we were not "ready".
This is the point where it really became between me and God. Just like I could feel His presence in that bedroom couple of weeks earlier, preparing not only a bedroom, but my heart for what was about to happen, I could feel Him saying to me, keep your eyes on Me, and I will lead you. I'm happy to say I only spent the next minute or so thinking "but my husband, but the logic, but the bank account, etc.…" As opposed to the days I would have spent before :-) It became undeniable that I needed to listen, trust and follow. Something much bigger than me was leading me through this.
Soon after, I went up to J on a Saturday in our kitchen and I said there is something I want to talk to you about And I don't want you to answer me now, I just want you to really pray about it. You are the leader of this family and Even though God has put this desire in my heart,whether you say yes or no, I will respect your decision.
Not surprisingly, my amazing husband with a huge heart for children, listened intently and you could see the wheels turning. He expressed a couple of concerns which we talked about and then we continued our day. At this point I was hesitant to continue the conversation Because it was so nice still having this little hope that he might possibly maybe in a million years say yes. And I did not want to lose that hope by hearing no.
Our bank account may not be overflowing, but our hearts are. I could just feel that our family has so much love to give, as does our church and our friends. And any child would be lucky To experience the love that is in our lives even if only for a while.
The next day, we were having a Sunday dinner with my family and during grace we prayed for "decisions we would be making". When J said this, my heart skipped a beat because I thought wow he is really praying about this and considering it and not just avoiding a conversation to avoid my heart break :-)
It was later that night when J randomly turned to me and said "I have prayed about it and we should do it." I was amazed. Not amazed that my husband had such a willing giving heart, because I already knew that, but because I could feel that we are part of Gods work, something so much bigger than us and more amazing That I ever could have imagined. I was amazed that God could start something in my heart, and prepare both of us for it. And most of all amazed at what can happen when you fully give your life over to God and say let this be You, not me.
We are so excited to begin this journey and share it with you. We thank you so much for your love and support and we can't wait To see where God leads us.